I’ve been opening my social media and scrolling through my timeline looking for a sign to tell me it’s okay to post something honest without judgement. Every time I open up the “compose tweet” tab on Twitter I start typing how I really feel but stop. I start questioning what people are going to think of me and how it would affect my career, and it became over calculated and insincere.
I just want to talk about my emotions and celebrate the steps I’ve recently taken towards a new lease on self-love, and to be honest I should be able to do that. I should be able to speak my mind and be honest without judgement, definitely in the current world situation we are in.
But something stops me every time, but today I’m pushing send.
The last month of isolation has made me question a lot of things, and it made me realise that I no longer loved myself the way I should. I was with my partner for nearly a year but comments he recently made about my body started tearing me up inside along with his short temper that saw him snapping at me on the daily about the smallest little things.
I now looked at myself in a whole different way. I felt like a burden within my own relationship and felt so insecure when I used to be so confident and bold. I couldn’t look at myself in a mirror without thinking a negative thought and would constantly over think every feeling I had.
I kept telling myself it was normal to go through something like this in a long term relationship, but after starting to open up to people I began to realise that it wasn’t. So I finally got the courage to break up with him and to choose to love myself.
I’ve been thinking a lot about what “choosing me” means and it basically means this; I decide how I feel and don’t let anyone else tell me anything contradicting. It means that I’m in control of who is around me and who I get to share my love with. It also means that I want to rebuild the love I have for myself which is the most important thing.
As I’m writing this, I’ve just packed up my room I’ve lived in for the past three years and tomorrow I will be moving to a new house and literally creating new beginnings. It all signals a reclaiming of my own self worth and a want to better my mental health and be happier which is something I haven’t been doing for the past couple of months.
So this was my blue thoughts, my truth and my candid confession of wanting to be more transparent instead of hiding behind a social media facade.
‘My Blue Thoughts’ is a creative initiative that Lauv began at his merchandise table on tour that saw him encourage his fans to write down their honest thoughts, feelings and whatever they wanted/needed to get out in writing. It was anonymous and encouraged the conversation of good mental health as well as breaking that unnecessary stigmas attached.
After getting sponsored by Microsoft, they continually grew the concept into it’s own specially designed booth on tour as well as it’s own unique website where fans can anonymously submit and read what everyone else is posting in real-time, 24/7 hours a day, 7 days a week. https://mybluethoughts.world/en-us
Putting a high beam spotlight on the importance of breaking these stigmas, he showed his fans that they were truly not alone in their feelings and boldly included himself in that candid conversation.
Finding another way to adapt and increase the conversation, Lauv’s Blue Boy Foundation hosted a virtual panel discussion this morning to kickstart Mental Health Awareness Month.
Breaking Modern Loneliness: A Conversation on Mental Health saw him joined by fellow collaborators Alessia Cara, Anne-Marie, and Sofía Reyes to chat about how they’re dealing with social distancing through creative outlets, online resources, and ways they can support each other and their fans.
Moderated by Michelle Carlson who is the Executive Director of Teen Line, there was a lot of detailed information directly given to fans that was educational, informative and relevant.
Using this panel to raise money for mental health charities across the world, Lauv will be donating a portion to Mental Health First Aid in Australia.
Watch the panel back BELOW;
At the beginning of this article I took a step to post my own blue thoughts confession and make it public because I do believe these are conversations we need to be having in society. We need to have a judgement free space where we listen to each other and most importantly just be there for each other.
If you are feeling a little lost right now and need to have some personal catharsis with your own thoughts, I do encourage you to watch the panel, check out the website and post something anonymously.
If you or somebody you know is currently struggling, please take 10 deep breathes and reach out to somebody. For more information visit: https://mybluethoughts.world/en-us/help